It’s been a long time since I’ve written. A very long time. It seems that when I think of a post I want to write, I am far away from my phone/internet/computer and am not in a place to actually, physically write down what I am thinking. Today, is different.
I just finished my study for the day. Through She Reads Truth, I am doing a study on men and women of the Bible. Today was about Leah. Leah, the first wife of Jacob. The wife that Jacob didn’t want or love. Yet, he did his duty to be fruitful and multiply the earth because with Leah, Jacob had 6 sons and a daughter.
Leah is described as having weak (or soft) eyes while Rachel is described as being beautiful in form and appearance (Genesis 29:17). Leah knew she was unloved and unwanted. It had been made very clear to her that she wasn’t what Jacob loved/wanted. Genesis 29-30 tells us of Leah’s pain. “And Leah conceived and bore a son, ans she called his name Reuben, for she said, ‘Because the Lord has looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me'” (Genesis 29:32). My heart just aches for Leah because she thought that by giving Jacob a son, Jacob would then magically fall in love with her
This reminds me of so many Rom Coms we see. How many times will a man fall in love with a woman if only she had this or looked like that? Earlier this year, a friend of mine and I went to see a movie called Isn’t it Romantic with Rebel Wilson. It was a very funny movie. However, a lot of the plot was that Liam Hemsworth’s character would fall in love with her character, if only she had this, this, this, and that. Meanwhile, she was overlooking the love that her friend had for her. A lot like Leah in our story today. She thought that by giving Jacob a son/sons, he would love her – all the while, she was overlooking God’s love for her. God was giving her attention and she didn’t see it or even really want it. She wanted Jacob’s attention instead.
As we read in Genesis 29:35, “And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she ceased bearing.” If we go on to read into chapter 30, we see that Leah ends up having 3 more children, after what seems like a really petty contest/dispute between Rachel and Leah by having Jacob procreate with their maids. That’s not the point of this post, though, so I digress.
Leah finally realized whose attention she had. She decided to give her attention to the One who had been giving her attention the whole time. She knew she had been seen and that she was loved and wanted. While Leah didn’t live to see how important she was – why God saw how amazing she was, Leah’s son Judah was the bloodline of Boaz, Jesse, David, Solomon, etc., etc., etc. all the way to Jesus, himself. That’s pretty important.
We all want to be seen in some way, shape, or form. It’s part of our human nature. As a musician and performer, I love to be seen – when I’m in my element and doing well. As a youth pastor, I want to be seen. It can be so hurtful when those we want to see us, just don’t. It doesn’t matter what we do, they won’t see us. We need to rest in the love and attention we get from God.
This is currently a lesson that I am learning and walking through. I want to be seen. I want to shout it from the rooftops and try to make so much noise that it’s impossible to not see me, but what I really need to do right now, is to rest in God’s love and attention.
If you’re struggling to get someone’s attention, is it really the person whose attention you should be seeking? Why not take some time to be in prayer and seek the attention of the One who is giving it to you without you noticing? Why not work on building your relationship with the One who loves you just as you are. You don’t have to come with any prerequisites or extras, just you. Rest in the love and attention of God.