Wednesday….the day of our trip that I struggled with most. I felt like a failure because of my struggle with anxiety and perfectionism.
We were building 2 houses up on the mountain on Wednesday. The ride up was long and bumpy and, for me, anxious. Getting up some of these roads in the trucks we use can be really hard. As we found out Wednesday, if a truck is too heavy, you won’t make it up the hill. My morning started with anxiety. It didn’t get any better after that.
What was super cool was the kids, in the Village where we are building, helped us carry wood & tin from our trucks to the actual worksite. This was one little guy, who can’t be more than 3 or 4 years old, wanted so desperately to carry things. He was so tiny and cute. When we were carrying the wood for house #2, we gave him some of the smaller pieces to carry. The kids and their willingness to help is just so amazing. They want to help. They’re so grateful for what they are receiving.
I attempted to hammer in some nails on Wednesday. I did that fine on Monday. However, I struggled with it on Wednesday. I bent more nails than what I got hammered in. I started to really beat myself up about it. I started to listen to the lies I was telling myself.
Once we got back to the guest house and unloaded/re-loaded the trucks, I had a few moments alone where I was able to get myself together. I started to remember that I am God’s masterpiece. He created me for a purpose. I don’t have to be perfect. That’s why Jesus died on the cross – because I am imperfect. All I have to do is trust God, trust in what/where/how He is leading me.
I came to Haiti seeking God. I’ve been trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me. The lesson I’ve taken away from this trip has been to trust God wholly. He’s not going to lead me astray. He only wants good things for us. Trust is a really hard thing for me, so this has been a harder lesson for me. I can’t say that I will always succeed in trusting, but I will try.